Lilly’s second RIE class. A few things that happened. First and foremost is that Lilly is pretty specific about when she will eat. If she is distracted, No go. If she feels like “giving me the ear” for whatever reason, no go. Luke is playing, no go. The list does go on. She really does not eat, just when she is hungry, she eats when she is hungry, when it is quiet and distraction free and when she wants to. Now, in a life where we are ten weeks into a kitchen remodel, these are not always the easiest criteria to meet.
So, we went to class on an empty stomach and pretty much the first thing that happens is she gets pushed over by the Alpha male in the class. This happened last week as well and though a RIE class is pretty much the safest place in the world to let these dynamics play out (always with a guided hand), it is so hard to watch as a dad. Lilly has a big reaction, lots of crying.
This is not the first time Lilly has been “bullied” (unfair, unfair!)
At Luke’s school drop off that is one boy, a sibling who is also only there at drop off and pickups, who goes straight at Lilly. In that case it seemed much more directed, like literally he makes a B-line for Little Lil and full frontal push down. It has happened several times even with multiple adults watching, just a flick of an eye and she is down.
What does it mean, who knows, but it seems so bizarre to me that she has two different people in her life that want to maul her (unfair!, unfair)
I guess she will be quite popular in high school?
The other thing that resonated with me at RIE class was a discussion about sharing toys between siblings. Luke has made the statement “but this is mine” regarding virtually everything in the house and we finally realized that he is speaking the honest, unadulterated truth. Everything (read toys) was his until Lilly came along. Of course there are things that have been purchased or given to Lilly, but the bulk of stuff here at the house has been assimilated while Luke was alive. So, the process now needs to be how to make it all work. Were not going to just double up on everything, that dont work. We are not just going to muscle it away from Luke, that CERTAINLY doesn’t work. It is a process, a process and making sure that Luke knows that what is important to him is kept safe and protected. That his special toys are indeed his special toys and need to be treated as such.
We need to enlist Luke’s help with finding great new things for Lilly to play with. One of the moms in RIE class who has a similar situation, but the older sibling is eight, says they have reached a great place where the older sibling finds toys that he is done with and gives them to the younger sibling, a triumphant and emotionally rewarding moment for all involved. And isn’t that what we all need once in awhile, a little comforting?
(sorry, no photo today, oh wait the Bird is rising, let me just snap that happy face for you to see)
Whoa, power afternoon.