Post 255: Shadow of ones father


Perhaps it is the time of year to contemplate.

We all grow up in the shadows of our parents, for me it has become more of a thought topic in the last few years. I had an imperfect relationship with my father, parents divorced when I was young, I never felt like I was really in his world, though I longed to be. He passed away from cancer before I had children, when I really grew up.

Yet as I parent and watch and see what my children want and need from me, I am continually reminded of what I learned from my dad, some things are easy to see, (cooking, interest in mechanisms) some not so much, lack of patience, wanting things to be done my way.

As imperfect as  I am, I still want to be there for Luke and Lily. I want to create an environment where they are safe and have what they need to uncover their potential. Easy to say, very hard to do.

Will my kids still stop talking to me when they are teen agers, probably so

Will my kids be embarrassed by me in front of there friends at times, probably so.

Does this mean that when they grow up they will have a different view of me, will they feel more connected to me than I do to my father, I have no idea, there is not way to tell.



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