Post 266: In Praise of, not


We try not to praise our kids,

Sounds almost criminal right? It is one of the main tenants we try adhere to from the many philosophies of child rearing that talk about raising a self confident child.

The premise is, if you praise a child, then the child will always be looking for praise as an end result and not be able accomplish things out of a sense of purpose or fun or just because they want to.

We see it in action ALL the time in the world, in both little people and not so little people. A constant litany of “you can do it, your OK”.

At the park. I have seen parents in a complete frenzy almost yelling at their children, that they were OK and that they could accomplish whatever it was they were trying to accomplish. What I think I see on the child’s face is confusion and often intense fear that results in a lot of crying and disillusionment.

One of the many articles that have been handed out to us at our RIE class is a chapter form Alfie Kohn’s book “Punished by Rewards“. which discusses these issues.

And do we do this without ere? of course not, if Luke makes an awesome thing out of Lego, I usually respond very praiseworthy, I guess I just try not to beat him up with it, that is the part that makes no sense.

But, why did I write this post? Because I find it amazing and yes charming that Lily will praise me and mom when we do things she like or that were done by her asking. She offers a hat to put on and when I put it on I hear, “Good Da!

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